This note was actually requested by a close friend after I was annoyed and venting on the phone.
People wonder why their relationships do not work. Part of this is due to the Dynamics of the relationship. Often in regards to friendships.
Example:
Girl meets guy in a club, they flirt and exchange numbers (1on1 interaction)
Girl and guy flirt on the phone (1on1 interaction)
Girl and guy have coffee, see movie (1on1 interaction)
Girl and guy hang out (1on1 interaction)
Girl and guy begin dating (1on1 interaction)
This is often the basic framework for the initial period in dating. So what causes the problem with external friends? Simple. Dynamic changes
Girl and guy go to club, guy meets girls male friends (1on5 interaction). Jealousyusually then occurs because both partners have never seen the other in a situation where the same and opposing genders exist.
How to avoid, be transparent. if you value your friends, then make your possible partner meet them first so respect and a mutual understanding develops.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Cost of a "Safe" Relationship
In psychology, Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, essentially mistaking a lack of abuse from their captors as an act of kindness
There are generally 3 stances that the human mind can adopt when faced with a situation that develops around them or they are confronted with. These are; Empathy, Sympathy and Apathy. At any given point we will choose to view our surroundings from one of these points.
These views are generally affected by our personal experiences and relations to a situation.
I offer the theory that Stockhold Syndrome actually can exist in any form of "relationship" that involves close proximity and has mininal influence or association with contrasting people/characters/events or situations. However this syndrome is likely to affect personalities that have a strong slant towards Empathy.
Empathy is defined as; which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.
This view can thus be extended to and includes "Safe" relationships, relationships when a person who has low self esteem, insecurities and no abilities is considered an option for someone who has been hurt in the past.
The problem is, the person who has been hurt in previous relationships, is usually not strong enough to help fix this new persons life problems and raise them up, nor do they have enough of a Apathetic slant to use them as a rebound and discard before damage is inflicted. Instead they tend to adopt the views and self esteem patterns of the "Safe" person. This is dangerous as their own self esteem, security and self belief and ultimately standards take a huge battery and sink to lower levels. This becomes cyclical because they believe that the person they are now with, is their only choice. They continue to sink lower and lower and develop depression as paranoid feelings and attitudes become present. Eventually they accept and follow that "Safe" parties view on most situations and display a "Us" vs "Them" facade to those around them, seeking to avoid situations that may make them think or remember their past lives. After a period of time they tend to isolate themselves and associate only with those who are also of the same thinking.
This is basically emotional suicide and generally leads to depression, divorce and even legitimate suicide as their conscience becomes more self aware as the duration increases.
[This is a Draft :P]
There are generally 3 stances that the human mind can adopt when faced with a situation that develops around them or they are confronted with. These are; Empathy, Sympathy and Apathy. At any given point we will choose to view our surroundings from one of these points.
These views are generally affected by our personal experiences and relations to a situation.
I offer the theory that Stockhold Syndrome actually can exist in any form of "relationship" that involves close proximity and has mininal influence or association with contrasting people/characters/events or situations. However this syndrome is likely to affect personalities that have a strong slant towards Empathy.
Empathy is defined as; which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.
This view can thus be extended to and includes "Safe" relationships, relationships when a person who has low self esteem, insecurities and no abilities is considered an option for someone who has been hurt in the past.
The problem is, the person who has been hurt in previous relationships, is usually not strong enough to help fix this new persons life problems and raise them up, nor do they have enough of a Apathetic slant to use them as a rebound and discard before damage is inflicted. Instead they tend to adopt the views and self esteem patterns of the "Safe" person. This is dangerous as their own self esteem, security and self belief and ultimately standards take a huge battery and sink to lower levels. This becomes cyclical because they believe that the person they are now with, is their only choice. They continue to sink lower and lower and develop depression as paranoid feelings and attitudes become present. Eventually they accept and follow that "Safe" parties view on most situations and display a "Us" vs "Them" facade to those around them, seeking to avoid situations that may make them think or remember their past lives. After a period of time they tend to isolate themselves and associate only with those who are also of the same thinking.
This is basically emotional suicide and generally leads to depression, divorce and even legitimate suicide as their conscience becomes more self aware as the duration increases.
[This is a Draft :P]
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